"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." Romans 7:15, 18-19 (ESV)I wanted to write today, but I find no words are coming. I'm pondering these verses today. I feel like I know exactly what Paul is saying here, but I don't know how to break free from it. My heart's desire is to obey God's commands, to live in an intimate relationship with him, to feel his calling, hear his voice, and to walk in the direction he leads me. But time and time again I instead turn the other way and do exactly what it is I desire NOT to do. My prayer today is that I may truly die to myself today and rise again, spirit filled and willing to go where God leads me this day. My prayer is to be filled with God's love for my husband, my children, my family and friends, and even the strangers I meet. My prayer is to become closer to Him today. My prayer is that God will give me a passion for Him above anything else. So that I no longer will say, "I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing," and instead I can say, "I delight in the law of God, in my inner being" (Romans 7:22) and He gives me the strength I need to do the good I wish to do, because he is the only true good in this world.
Father, Empty me of me today, and fill me with your Spirit. Show me your ways. Father, take control of my thoughts, words, and actions today. Let your love flow through me and pour out to those around me. Teach me how to love my family and others. Show me the good you want me to do today. Let today not be about me, but about you. Give me a passionate love for you today, Father. Allow me to draw ever closer to you, God. I want you to be my everything.
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