Some Quiet Time Thoughts for Today

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." Romans 7:15, 18-19 (ESV)

I wanted to write today, but I find no words are coming.  I'm pondering these verses today.  I feel like I know exactly what Paul is saying here, but I don't know how to break free from it.  My heart's desire is to obey God's commands, to live in an intimate relationship with him, to feel his calling, hear his voice, and to walk in the direction he leads me.  But time and time again I instead turn the other way and do exactly what it is I desire NOT to do.  My prayer today is that I may truly die to myself today and rise again, spirit filled and willing to go where God leads me this day.  My prayer is to be filled with God's love for my husband, my children, my family and friends, and even the strangers I meet.  My prayer is to become closer to Him today. My prayer is that God will give me a passion for Him above anything else. So that I no longer will say, "I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing," and instead I can say, "I delight in the law of God, in my inner being" (Romans 7:22) and He gives me the strength I need to do the good I wish to do, because he is the only true good in this world.

Father, Empty me of me today, and fill me with your Spirit.  Show me your ways.  Father, take control of my thoughts, words, and actions today.  Let your love flow through me and pour out to those around me.  Teach me how to love my family and others.  Show me the good you want me to do today.  Let today not be about me, but about you.  Give me a passionate love for you today, Father.  Allow me to draw ever closer to you, God.  I want you to be my everything.  

Slow Down

I have to admit it...I thought it would be easier to count the gifts.  I thought that once I started I wouldn't be able to stop and my list would just grow longer and longer until I saw nothing but the gifts.  But it turns out it's not as easy as it sounds.  It's not easy to see the gifts when you are always busy, when life moves so fast.  And, really, does life need to move so fast?  Where is the joy in the constantly running and moving and trying to get things done?  It seems one could enjoy life more if one were able to just slow down.  And, so, this week I want to make a conscious effort to slow down.  To take in each moment.  To see more clearly what has been given to me.  To take the time to enjoy life...enjoy the gift.

17. Joy on son's face after earning a reward, and eagerness to keep working towards the next goal.
18. Younger son using the computer.
19. "Mama, I want a hug and kiss!"  Sweet, sweet words.
20. Sunshine and warmth, day spent outside.
21. Smell of fire warming our home.
22. Bible study friends and conversations.
23. Nena always helpful and willing to watch my crazy ones.
24. Internet not working.
25. Words inspiring and encouraging shown to me exactly when I need them.
26. Walking in on child doing exactly as he was told -- an unexpected surprise.
27. Husband returning home.
28. Afternoon spent with family.

Setting the Ground Rules

It's 9:30 p.m. and I'm sitting in this dark room, patiently waiting for my children to fall asleep so that I can get some much-needed rest.  A week playing the role of single mom, and I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.  The children are ready for their "Dada" to be home, and so am I. 

But as I sit here my mind doesn't stop.  I can't help but think back on how our week has gone...starting out well but with that slight downward tilt.  Until today, when we reached full speed going down that hill and all began to spin out of control.  And so I think...of things that might help our days go more smoothly.  Of things that I could change. 

Mama needs some ground rules...not for her kids, but for herself.  And, so, tonight I'm writing them....rules that will hopefully help us achieve a quieter, more peaceful, more efficient, and more fun home. 

And here they are:

Ground Rules for Mama

1.  I will shower and dress every morning before the kids are awake.
2.  The laptop will be shut off when the children awake and may not be turned back on until nap time.
3.  I will give hugs and kisses whenever they are asked for...No more, "I can't right now, I'm busy."  One should never be too busy for hugs and kisses.
4.  I will sit at the table and enjoy breakfast and lunch with my children instead of trying to work through them to get more done.
5.  I will set a timer for work time and do nothing but work during that time.  When the timer goes off, it is time to stop and do something fun with the kids.
6.  I will stop ("red light!", as I tell my kids) when I feel myself losing control.  I will control the tone and volume of my voice, and I will apologize to my kids when I break the rule.
7.  I will let go of perfection and allow things to be "good enough".
8.  I will slow down, take in, see, and give thanks for the gifts given here and now.

Do you set ground rules for yourself, do you think you need to?  If you do, how do you stay accountable?  I'd like to hear your thoughts, especially on the accountability part.  I'm going to share my rules with my kids and let them know that these are rules I need to follow and that they need to remind me if I am not following the rules...just like I remind them when they are not following the rules.  I think my kids will be better at keeping me accountable to my own rules than anyone else...at least I hope so!

Sometimes I Forget

I started out a week ago now counting the gifts.  It seemed to come easily at first.  I'd write down one gift, and then another, my smile growing bigger with each gift I chose to see and receive.  The anxiety went away, the yelling at children ceased for a while, the calm and peace swept in and carried me away to a place where I enjoyed my children, my home, my entire day. 

But sometimes I forget.  I forget the peaceful, happy, joyful moments, and I'm back to feeling anxious over all that needs done, to yelling at my children when they don't behave the way I'd like them to, to rushing around last minute trying to make it here or there on time.

Sometimes I forget.

I want to never forget.  I want to be reminded always.  I want to have joyful...no not just joyful but joy-full...days, countless days filled with joy, peace, laughter, smiles.  I want the joy of seeing the gifts in the here and now to always be fresh in my mind, a constant reminder of the everyday blessings God has given me.

Yesterday I forgot, even after writing a post full of thanksgiving, I still forgot.  And so, today, I begin again.  Slowing down, taking everything in, looking for and receiving the gifts God has for me today.

Father, help me not to forget.  Keep fresh in my mind the joy thanksgiving brings.  Help me to see the gifts you've brought me today, so that I may receive and give thanks and worship you.  Help me never to forget.

Seeing the Gifts

"The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be -- unbelievably -- possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now." Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts, pg. 22)

I begin to feel a change in myself.  It's refreshing, it's exciting...A more peaceful house, because Mama begins focusing on the things to be grateful for.  Less yelling, more patience.  It's work.  Hard work.  And I need more practice.  But after one week of counting the gifts, I begin to feel a change.  Finding the gifts in the here and now, seeing God in the here and now...in my mess...I believe this is the start of a great journey.  And I continue to count...

6. Boy running from doors of school, big smiles, arms open wide for hug.
7. Sleeping until 8 a.m.
8. Rain to nourish the earth in expectation of spring.
9. Hot shower, uninterrupted by the pitter patter of little feet.
10. One child, quiet and content in grocery cart.
11. Jelly beans
12. Husband working hard to build playset, joy of children playing when it is done.

13. Butterfly in swimsuit twirling circles through house.
14. Imaginations wild -- house filled with firemen, policemen, superheroes, ballerinas, doctors, astronauts, and more.
15. All the orneriness in just one look.

16. Promise of spring seen in sprouts of green pushing through brown earth.

Current Project: The Master Bath

I have a home project that has been in limbo for about 6 months.  I began painting and had grand plans to get it finished and decorated, and it just hasn't happened yet.  As far as making our home comfortable and inviting goes, it may seem like an area that doesn't  matter much.  I mean, it is just our master bathroom. The fact is, though, we spend much of our time in this room...it's where we are first thing in the morning and last thing before crawling into bed at night.  We are in and out of the room several times during the day.  And, it happens to not only be the master bath but also our laundry room, so I really do spend quite a bit of time there.  It needs painted, decorated, and organized to make it a more comfortable place to be.

Here are some before pictures:

Looking into the bathroom from the doorway:

Our black sink that never seems to stay clean, and the walls I painted nearly 6 months ago:

The shower...the new shower curtain did make it up, thanks to my hsuband's impatience with me!

The toilet:

The messy, unorganized closet where all our dirty laundry, cleaning supplies, vacuum/mop, etc., etc. goes.  Oh, and there are no doors on it:

The washer and dry are behind those folding doors:

I have been working on it over the last week.  The entire bathroom now has one coat of pain on it, and I've started the second coat.  In the coming days, I'll be finishing the second coat, organizing the closet and putting up the doors, and hopefully finding some thrifty ways to add some nice decor to the room.

Wish me luck...I'll post after pictures when it is complete (and hopefully that won't take another 6 months!)

Focus on Bedtime

It has become abundantly clear to me that my children need a more structured bedtime routine.  As much as I love a good plan, I must admit we tend to be a family of spontaneity more often than not.  We say bedtime is 8:00, but that usually means 8:30 or 9:00 and sometimes 10:00.  I've noticed in the past couple weeks my children are having a harder time settling down to get to sleep, and the late nights do not mean that they will sleep later in the morning.  I have early risers...6:30 for a 2, 3 and 5-year-old is too early, in my opinion.  Heck, 6:30 is sometimes too early for me!  They are tired, though they'd never admit it.

So, in an attempt to help my children fall asleep faster and get a better night's rest, I have come up with a structured bedtime routine and we will begin implementing it this evening.  Here is my plan:

• 7:15-7:30 -- PJs on, teeth brushed, face and hands washed
• 7:30-8:00 -- Everyone on couch for one last TV show or reading time.
• 8:00-8:30 -- Kids to bed, say prayers, read bible story and one chapter from our current book
• 8:30         -- Goodnight hugs and kisses, everyone goes to sleep

This is our starting point.  I know things may need to be modified along the way and some rules may need to be set, but I'm determined to make this work.  I desire for my kids to be well-rested and healthy, and I believe I need to teach them good bedtime rituals so that they can learn to settle themselves down and fall asleep on their own. 

Sounds easy enough, but I fear it will be a struggle as we begin.  With three active, strong-willed children I will need a lot of patience and persistence, I'm sure. 

What bedtime rituals do you have with your children?  What does your bedtime routine look like, or maybe you don't have one?  I'd love to hear your ideas!